Original Date: May 15, 2006 - My First Mothers Day

Spring breezes filtered through the screen door early yesterday morning. In my T-shirt and sweatpants, I breathed in the fragrant air, wondering how this Sunday -- Mother's Day -- would be different from the many other Sundays that had come and gone over the past 10 or so years. In my arms, I held a tiny creature that was only a month old. My little Luca . . . full of marvel. In those quiet moments of looking into his eyes - I remembered all of the Mothers days that had passed in my adult life. How honoring my mother has always been a daily joy for me and Mothers Day was never an exception . . . . but in the years I had been led to believe I would never be one of the celebrated - Mothers Day had become difficult. I never felt sorry for myself, but there were moments of vast emptiness, that sometimes enveloped me on that day. My mother has always been the most important person in my life - and the years I spent believing I'd not be able to carry on the spectacular legacy she'd made of being a mother, were at times difficult to deal with, especially on this day. I'd dreamed of being half the mother to a child that she had been to me - it seemed unfair not to be able to pass on all the unconditional love, support, faith, understanding, wisdom and laughter that she has laced my life with. Now, defying the odds - there he and I stood, my beautiful boy and me. In that second, it became clear . . . . no matter the circumstance surrounding him, I would have loved him beyond what words could express - but living those years thinking he would never come to me, can only now multiply my love for him ten thousand lifetimes over. He, in and of himself, was the reason this year I joined the ranks of the celebrated . . . he is my Mothers Day gift. Yesterday, today, and everyday until forever.