Dear Son,
I came to the conclusion that you're growing WAY to fast. And by way to fast I mean "I cannot believe how grown you already act."
So seriously, knock it off. . . slow down . . . take it easy.
Mom
P.S. Im SO not kidding
Monday, August 28, 2006
Wait a Minute
Dear Son,
I came to the conclusion that you're growing WAY to fast. And by way to fast I mean "I cannot believe how grown you already act."
So seriously, knock it off. . . slow down . . . take it easy.
Mom
P.S. Im SO not kidding
Friday, August 25, 2006
Week One
Dear Son,
We made it. Week one of my being back at school - and consequently spending part of my time seperate from you, has come to a close - but there are more weeks to come. Welcome little man, to the rest of our lives. You spent your first night away from home at your grandparents - yes, I stayed there with you, but still it was your first night away from home. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure you're old enough yet to notice when I'm gone . . . but rest assured, I notice. It seems when I arrive at your grandparents to pick you up in the afternoon, you've surely grown a bit, and have learned some new sound, or to reach for something you weren't previously, or you've just . . . . changed. I knew I would notice, but just how affected I would be by those hours apart from you - I had no idea.
And you just smile.
Week one certainly didn't go off without a hitch . . . but I've decided to just sweep those minor difficulties under the rug. By the time you'll be reading these letters, the obstacles now in my path will be only a speck on the time-line that is my life as your mother . . . and also a woman, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, role-model, or class-mate. In life we wear many hats son - mine as your mother is the most important - but I've obligations to many, and I make the choice each day not to let the little things, or the big ones for that matter, get me down. There have been times in my life that I didn't have the presence of mind to see things from that perspective . . . but growth and maturity have led me to this place. I constantly remind myself that it is all part of a greater plan that I may or may not yet be aware of. I hope to instill in you these values.
We made it. Week one of my being back at school - and consequently spending part of my time seperate from you, has come to a close - but there are more weeks to come. Welcome little man, to the rest of our lives. You spent your first night away from home at your grandparents - yes, I stayed there with you, but still it was your first night away from home. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure you're old enough yet to notice when I'm gone . . . but rest assured, I notice. It seems when I arrive at your grandparents to pick you up in the afternoon, you've surely grown a bit, and have learned some new sound, or to reach for something you weren't previously, or you've just . . . . changed. I knew I would notice, but just how affected I would be by those hours apart from you - I had no idea.
And you just smile.
Week one certainly didn't go off without a hitch . . . but I've decided to just sweep those minor difficulties under the rug. By the time you'll be reading these letters, the obstacles now in my path will be only a speck on the time-line that is my life as your mother . . . and also a woman, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, role-model, or class-mate. In life we wear many hats son - mine as your mother is the most important - but I've obligations to many, and I make the choice each day not to let the little things, or the big ones for that matter, get me down. There have been times in my life that I didn't have the presence of mind to see things from that perspective . . . but growth and maturity have led me to this place. I constantly remind myself that it is all part of a greater plan that I may or may not yet be aware of. I hope to instill in you these values.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The Beginning
Dear Son,
It was one year ago . . . almost down to the hour I am writing these words, that I found out I was carrying you. In my honesty with you, I will tell you that it was the happiest, and most terrifying moment of my life thus far. Amidst my fear and trepidation . . . there was overwhelming and enormous joy. From my lips to Gods ears was a quiet thank-you. Tears, streaming from my face as doctors and nurses scrambled and whispered.
You see, minutes after my doctor told me the news, I was being whisked away to a dimly lit room for an ultrasound. My little one, there was fear and immediate speculation that you may not make it - my body was responding in an odd way to you being in there . . . but within seconds of lying on that tiny, cold hospital bed - my ears were filled with the sound of your heartbeat. I swear . . . and this I know - it was the equivalent of a million angels singing.
As you grow and mature, you'll hear people use the phrase a moment of clarity. We'll talk another day about exactly what that means, but I can tell you - that moment was mine . . my life had changed, my soul had changed. . . and in that - that instant - I loved you, and knew that my days from there to eternity would be for you. I was afraid somewhere deep inside - but moreover - I was soaring somewhere above the bed I was lying on. I will never forget the words the nurse said upon seeing you on the monitor . . . thats a brave little critter you have in there, his will to be here is strong. And my will to make sure you made it safely here was even stronger - whatever the cost, no matter the sacrifice.
You see Son, you coming to me . . . me who wasn't sure she could even carry a baby . . .the complications surrounding everything that I touched back then . . . the timing of your arrival in my life . . . you and I together - it was no accident. It was indeed, divine. You Son, are divine. Not only did I give you life - and fight to make sure you were able to be here to live it - you gave me back mine. All the failed attempts at sobriety - do away with the cigarettes - so many times I had tried Son. Sure, I functioned well enough . . . but little did I know [actually, I think I did know, just couldn't admit it to myself] - that everyone around me could see . . . I was killing myself daily - and it wasn't a slow process. I had lost my handle. The woman you know as mother - was a different woman then. In fact, the person I am today didn't yet exist. You gave her life. You created her. One day, you will understand all these things - one day - there will be much more explanation, for I have nothing here to hide from you, my prayer, that you learn from my mistakes.
You Son, gave me strength.
It's been one year since I walked out of that doctors office for the first time with the knowledge that there was you . . . never have I taken another drink - never have I even attempted to put a cigarette to my lips.
My joy you are - and the day I look in your eyes and see pride - my purpose then fulfilled.
I love you.
It was one year ago . . . almost down to the hour I am writing these words, that I found out I was carrying you. In my honesty with you, I will tell you that it was the happiest, and most terrifying moment of my life thus far. Amidst my fear and trepidation . . . there was overwhelming and enormous joy. From my lips to Gods ears was a quiet thank-you. Tears, streaming from my face as doctors and nurses scrambled and whispered.
You see, minutes after my doctor told me the news, I was being whisked away to a dimly lit room for an ultrasound. My little one, there was fear and immediate speculation that you may not make it - my body was responding in an odd way to you being in there . . . but within seconds of lying on that tiny, cold hospital bed - my ears were filled with the sound of your heartbeat. I swear . . . and this I know - it was the equivalent of a million angels singing.
As you grow and mature, you'll hear people use the phrase a moment of clarity. We'll talk another day about exactly what that means, but I can tell you - that moment was mine . . my life had changed, my soul had changed. . . and in that - that instant - I loved you, and knew that my days from there to eternity would be for you. I was afraid somewhere deep inside - but moreover - I was soaring somewhere above the bed I was lying on. I will never forget the words the nurse said upon seeing you on the monitor . . . thats a brave little critter you have in there, his will to be here is strong. And my will to make sure you made it safely here was even stronger - whatever the cost, no matter the sacrifice.
You see Son, you coming to me . . . me who wasn't sure she could even carry a baby . . .the complications surrounding everything that I touched back then . . . the timing of your arrival in my life . . . you and I together - it was no accident. It was indeed, divine. You Son, are divine. Not only did I give you life - and fight to make sure you were able to be here to live it - you gave me back mine. All the failed attempts at sobriety - do away with the cigarettes - so many times I had tried Son. Sure, I functioned well enough . . . but little did I know [actually, I think I did know, just couldn't admit it to myself] - that everyone around me could see . . . I was killing myself daily - and it wasn't a slow process. I had lost my handle. The woman you know as mother - was a different woman then. In fact, the person I am today didn't yet exist. You gave her life. You created her. One day, you will understand all these things - one day - there will be much more explanation, for I have nothing here to hide from you, my prayer, that you learn from my mistakes.
You Son, gave me strength.
It's been one year since I walked out of that doctors office for the first time with the knowledge that there was you . . . never have I taken another drink - never have I even attempted to put a cigarette to my lips.
My joy you are - and the day I look in your eyes and see pride - my purpose then fulfilled.
I love you.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I want you to know
Tonight, as I prepare to lie next to you and watch you sleep, on the end of this day after you turned four months old . . . this day that you sat in your high chair for the first time . . . this day that you laughed and smiled and talked to me with your eyes . . . even though you perhaps didn't feel so good because of the immunization shots you had yesterday . . . . this day that I loved you more than yesterday -
I want you to know this, and know it forever:
Nothing you become will disappoint me;
I have no preconception that I'd like to see you be or do.
I have no desire to foresee you,
only to discover you.
You cannot disappoint me.
Tuck those words into your heart Son . . . bury them, within your soul - and if ever you need reminding of them, they will never be far from the edge of my lips.
With all that I have and all I hope to one day be,
I love you.
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